Thank you mom

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Written October 2019

Thank you mom

There are so many things to thank you for. I really cannot even begin to articulate, let alone put into words.

It is hard to believe you left this world only 14 months after dad. I am glad you are together, but it is painful for the rest of us.

I thank you for coming to me in my dream last night. We talked, but mostly you talked. As the saying in the UK goes, ‘She can talk for England.’ So it made sense that you talked. But I listened. You confirmed to me that what I sense is true. That you are with dad but you are always with me. You are with all of us. I will do my best to take comfort in this. But for now, I am not happy. I feel robbed, cheated, as if this is just cruelty. For which I will not apologize. Will I work through this? Yes. But in my own time and my own way. I know you sit with me as I weep. I know you were there the moment I heard the words that you had passed away. I know you picked me up off the floor. I know you tell me how strong I am. I do not feel strong. I feel weak and broken. I hear you say, ‘It is ok to be sad. It is ok to feel how you feel. Do not try and be strong for anyone. You have what it takes to keep going. You have what it takes to keep our legacy alive through you. You all will have to deal with a lot of tasks but do not forget to laugh, do not forget to love. LOOK UP LISA! Notice the beauty around you. Do not take anything for granted. Most of all, BE GRATEFUL. Live a life of gratitude. “ I am trying mom. I really am. We are all in shock, we are all heartbroken. We will never be the same. Lewis and I are sick of writing Eulogies. We quit! UK Mothers Day 2019 I know we are connected. I know you are here. But it is not the same. As your granddaughters say, ‘I miss her laugh.’ The thought of walking into my childhood home, which is a shrine to the life my parents created, will be soul crushing. It will be the hardest thing I will ever do, to date. You and dad need to keep visiting me in my dreams. I know you are here. No matter what people believe, I know you are. I sense it. I see it. I feel it. It is true. I will write more but it will be saved for your eulogy. The day I once again get up in front of those whom you loved beyond measure and those who love you beyond all time and space, and share some memories, some tears, and some laughter. But mostly honor a woman who lived her life better than most. I am grateful you are my mom. I have learned a lot.